By Chuck 05/12/2010

8th Sister Research Center – Today, the multinational team of scientists working on quantifying global warming announced they had identified a key source as none other than Al Gore himself.

Al Gore Invents Internet AND 'Solving Stuff'

The team indicated, until today, their approach and equations were not yielding any significant insights. Classically accepted scientific approaches applied included linear extrapolation, statistical analysis via an odd number of Magic 8 Balls, putting all the numbers in a big pile and swishing them around with a stick, referencing Old Farmer’s Almanacs and the thorough application of leeches.

When one of the scientists pointed out that they were using an untested algorithm, the room became quiet. Though the former vice president is hardly known for having any musical talent, the scientists realized he was the key to discovery. “Al Gore rhythms,” stated one unnamed scientist, “are the keys to all mathematical and scientific methods of problem solving.” Not only did Al Gore invent the internet, apparently he also invented “solving stuff.”

This was the breakthrough the collected brain trust was looking for. All the scientists needed to do was include the date when Mr. Gore’s weight was the same as a duck and recalculate.  They were all surprised at the result, March 31, 1948; the date of Mr. Gore’s birth.

Al Gore's Birth Causes Chain of Events Leading to Global Warming

In a related matter, another team has been assembled to assess the possibility that Al Gore rhythms are the key to a unification theory but, for now, it’s clear Al Gore is the cause of global warming by the mere event of his birth.

The former vice president was not available for comment because of a scheduling conflict with a massage therapist.