Spuds Lament New Fate


Spuds everywhere lamented last week after an announcement that scientists were seeking to develop a battery powered solely by potato power. It turns out, wild taters must now not only be on the lookout for a certain clown with red hair seeking succulent spuds to fill his greasy fryers, they also have to avoid men wearing lab coats and pocket protectors.

The nutty professor versus Mr. Potato Head … who will come out on top?

Shortly after the announcement, a rotund spud was observed making a break for the border, the Mrs. in tow. The future is uncertain for russets everywhere.


Scientists Try to Fool Rambunctious Russets


The process that could make potatoes a new fuel source resides in the salt-bridge capacity latent in all treated tubers. It is also said that boiling them increases their power tenfold. Who knew?

Scientists have devised a plan to fool unwary spuds by disguising pots of hot water as day spas to help facilitate the process. Then, it’s just a matter of popping the zinc and copper electrodes into their baked bodies to finish out the process, and Voilà!, instant potato power.


Fight the Potato Power!


Protesters were arrested at a pro-potato rally earlier in the week. The chant, “Fight the potato power!” was heard, as long-haired spuds in tie-dyed t-shirts and Birkenstocks were dragged off to a special potato-holding facility — their fate unknown.

Vast quantities of water were also spotted being pumped into the facility, and sources close to the spud frenzy feel the potatoes’ days are numbered.

(Photo source: http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/graphics/photos/dec00/k9152-1.htm)