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How Much Is the United States Worth?
- In yet another effort to avoid paying massive reparations due after the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico BP announced a new plan to purchase the United States. The plan incorporates a group of inventors who intend to part out the United States as follows:
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- France has offered a substantial investment for complete ownership of Jerry Lewis. Lewis has made a counter offer hocking his massive estate in an effort to purchase France.
- Israel put in a claim for New York stating long standing occupation of the area.
- An unnamed German investor has offered a significant sum for the DNA of Dick Clark.
- Muslims from around the world have offered to purchase every building with windows facing Mecca.
- Several of the countries on the continent of Africa (no Africa is NOT a country…) have pooled their resources and offered thousands of sheep, cows, and goats all with very difficult to pronounce names in return "for all those cute white people.”
- Cubans lowballed a bid for Florida.
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Uncontrollable Texans
- BP stated that Texas would not be included in bidding due to trouble controlling Texans.
- New Hampshire and other states would come under the rule of their name sake British noble families.
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al-Qaeda Bids for Virgins
- al-Qaeda put in a bid for any existing virgins for marketing purposes.
- New Zealand offered to buy Mexico. When told Mexico was not part of the U.S., the quick New Zealanders indicated that New Mexico would do just fine.
- Three unnamed sheiks have pooled resources to purchase the Nevada desert to use as additional parking for their numerous superfluous Mercedes Benz automobiles.
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A Bidding War Between America and the Chinese?
- The plan has also resulted in a bidding war between the American Indians and the Chinese. The Indians have offed to cut for it. The Chinese have engaged one billion of their countries populous in calculating the odds of them winning based on weather conditions, location, time of day, and over 50,000 other variables.
- Photo by Lisa Chamberlain http://www.flickr.com/photos/polis/47814441 /
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