Republican members of the US Congress went retro today as they donned 49er gear in anticipation of staking a claim at one of our nation’s numerous national parks. And no, they were not showing their support for the 49ers of San Francisco football fame, but instead the old, Wild West type prospectors best known for panning for gold.

Precious Metals Anyone?

The 1872 Mining Law — signed by then US President Ulysses S. Grant who was fresh off his boozing days during the American Civil War — is to blame. The law allows companies, both foreign and domestic, to lay claim to $1 billion dollars in precious metals per year, royalty free. Always the opportunists, House Republicans are looking to get their cut.

“People are always more important than the environment,” one freshman Republican was overheard saying. “We can always designate more national parks.”

Show Me the Money!

Many Republicans were heard screaming, “Show me the money!” as they gallivanted around the House floor.

Environmentally minded Democrats could not be reached for comment. They were apparently already busy thwarting the Republicans’ attempts to limit the EPA’s ability to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from factories and automobiles.

Joe Boehner Gets Excited

While the Mining Law was originally put into effect to encourage the development of the West, mining companies still enjoy “free access” to a majority of public lands, with more than 8,000 claims being staked in national forests and other public areas around the Grand Canyon alone since 2004.

House Speaker Joe Boehner, sporting a ten-gallon cowboy hat, was quoted as saying he was the “rootenist, tootenist” speaker around. He then proceeded to fire off 2 six-shooters on the House Floor and was heard saying he “would get those varmints” as he was escorted out by security. Most assumed he was referring to environmentalists, who vehemently oppose the 1872 Law.